Playing Favorites

My husband and I were talking with friends of ours one day, when our girls were around 4 months old, and they told us they each had an idea of which of our girls were our favorites. They meant no harm in saying it, they simply believe that it’s a fact of life that parents will always have a favorite child (they aren’t parents, for the record). Although it was an innocent comment, it has stayed with me (haunted me) since that day. Could I have a favorite? I hate to think so. I’ve spent A LOT of time thinking about the possibility. Our friends were able to quickly name their own parent’s favorites, and my husband believes he knows who his parents favored. I discussed it with other friends to see if they believed the same thing. A few of them acknowledged that yes; they think their parents each favor one child, not necessarily the same one. I thought about my own family. Having three older brothers and being the only girl, I like to think my mom and I have a special bond, but it’s more about being women and mothers. I really don’t think it qualifies me as her favorite child. I don’t think I’m my dad’s favorite, but I would have a hard time guessing which one of my brothers would be. I’ll never know, because I know my parents would never say. This gives me peace of mind, because even if they did have a favorite child, we’ve never felt that way. In this area, they’ve excelled.

I find myself questioning my actions constantly… Do I pick one child up more than the other? Do I always give one of them the bigger half of the cookie? Do I serve one first more often? Do I brag about one more than the other? I know I try to give equal kisses and equal cuddles, and it’s easy to do that because they’re the same age and often playing close together. I don’t know if everything is equal, I’m sure it’s not, but I don’t know who is ‘ahead’, so I’m hoping they don’t know either. I guess it’s positive that I’m trying to keep myself in check. In all of my pondering, I’ve come to the conclusion that one day I may share more traits with one child, or bond with one over shared interests. It’s a likely possibility. But to love one more deeply, I’m not so sure. If that happens (I’m positive it hasn’t happened to this point), I would never want them to feel that way, so in this aspect I will model my parenting style after my own parents…Love and praise and attention for all, in abundance.

The only thing I know, with absolute certainly, is that my children bring me joy. Their smiles melt my heart. Their intelligence baffles me. I would suffer profoundly if anything were to happen to either of them. It’s unthinkable to me, and I know that I would do anything to protect them. I love them with the depth that I could never have imagined loving anything. Can that be measured? I don't think so.


And another thing…

Awhile ago I discovered what it was that made my friend decide which child was my ‘favorite’. She based her opinion on the colors I had painted their names on their bedroom wall. I painted those letters when they were just days old. I had been so worried that she had based her opinion on her observations of my interaction with my daughters, but all it was based on was which color she prefers. And I lost sleep over it!