One of the most common questions I get from strangers (once you have twins you get A LOT of questions from strangers) is whether or not my girls have different personalities. I've always found this to be a difficult question to answer. I don't know if it's just because I'm hesitant to label them as being one way or another, or if it's just hard to sum up a person's personality in a few words. The short answer is yes, they do, but it changes all the time depending on the situation. Someone might say to me "she must be the shy one", but in a different scenario that same girl may be singing and dancing and running wild. I once heard a father of twins say that he has one good twin and one evil twin, it just depends on the day which one is which. I thought that was pretty funny.
There are a few things that I'm sure are much more 'nature' than 'nurture'. I remember when I was going through some difficult sleep times, and someone said to me "don't you feel better that it's not what you're doing?" due to the fact that I was using the same strategies with both my girls, and one was a great sleeper while the other wasn't. At the time, it hadn't even occurred to me, because I thought I must have been doing something wrong. Now I know that my 'difficult' sleeper just has different sleep needs than her sister, and to this day that's true. My 'good' sleeper needs more sleep. Period. She naps longer (sometimes an hour or two longer), she sleeps longer at night, she falls asleep faster and easier, and she sleeps more soundly. I think this is intrinsic in her. Her sister is pretty much the opposite. It's not bad, just different. She still thrives, but with less sleep. Some days she goes with no nap at all, and she does fine. At 2, I'm sure she could drop her nap every second day, while I would bet money that her sister will nap until kindergarten (at least).
I would think that some parents of twins would have a difficult time not comparing their kids, especially if their children look very similar or are similar sizes. My girls are as different as you could imagine in looks, so much so that instead of "are they twins?" I often hear (with disbelief) "they're not twins... are they?". My one daughter is brunette, curly-haired, hazel-eyed, and about 7 pounds heavier and 2 inches taller than her twin sister, who is blonde, straight-haired, green-eyed, and teeny tiny. Genetics are a mysterious thing. They shared the same womb, they drank the same breast milk, they eat the same foods, and play in the same environment. It's hard not to compare. They go through every stage together. But one crawled a month earlier, walked a month earlier, and ran and jumped for months before her sister could. Her sister developed her speech more quickly, and was content to sit and flip through books. But they're both doing exactly what they need to be doing. So I'm learning not to compare (or at least not so much), because it only causes me unnecessary stress. I have to remind myself that just because I can compare my kids doesn't mean I should. I often feel guilty (or feel judged) if I brag about something one girl is doing if I don't balance it out with some praise or a cute story about her sister. Maybe all parents share that same feeling. Bottom line is, they are each undoubtedly unique, and I love them (equally) with all my heart.
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