Miss M is scared. She has always been more cautious than her sister - as babies strangers would frequently comment on Miss M's serious demeanor, while Miss A would share her smile with anyone who passed by. I was never concerned, because the smiles came out in abundance when Miss M was around familiar faces. Lately her fears have become much more apparent. She's scared of Santa, the vacuum cleaner, the doctor, the door stopper (more so the sound it makes if someone pulls on it), dogs, and I'm sure there's more but these are the ones most present in my mind.
We were recently at a home of some friends, and it was the first time we visited their house with our girls in tow. They have a bulldog, and Miss M was on the run from it for the entire night, shrieking and moving from chair to chair to stay as far away from it as possible. I had no idea she was so terrified until that night, and I was caught off-guard. I didn't know how to handle it. On one hand, I wanted her to face her fear so that she could learn that it's okay, but on the other hand, her instincts were telling her it wasn't safe. Maybe she was right. I don't really know that dog, and although our friends assured me that it's fine with children, do I want to teach Miss M to ignore her instincts? I don't want her to approach strange dogs. After some initial attempts to get her to relax around the dog, I gave up and just helped her to keep a safe distance. As the evening went on and she watched Miss A and another child playing carefree around it, she relaxed a became a little more brave. I was happy with that.
Now, Santa. Going into the holiday season, I laughed at the thought of the classic 'kid-crying-on-Santa's-lap' Christmas photo. We had one like that last year, Miss A just going with the flow, and Miss M with a big pout on her face. I planned on going for it again. That is, until I took Miss M to the grocery store where they had a mechanical waving Santa set up in the produce department. She took one look at him and literally dove into the bottom of the shopping cart and curled up into the fetal position. She wouldn't come out until he was totally out of sight. Okay, so maybe no Santa photo. I don't think the photo would be nearly as cute or funny knowing that my child was absolutely terrified. I can't put her through that. Again, her instincts are telling her that sitting with a strange man in a costume is not a good idea. Not a bad instinct. I'll tell her that it's okay because Mommy and Daddy are there, and we'll give her the opportunity to go, but I'm definitely not pushing this one. If Miss A wants to lead the way and her sister decides to follow, great. If not, I'm okay with that.
Miss M has been terrified of the doctor since she was about 18 months old. I took the girls to get their teeth cleaned at that time, and I think it must be one of her earliest memories, because since then, any office that has a medical feel to it sends Miss M running in the other direction. This one is a little more challenging, because when you have to see the doctor, you don't get to opt out. Luckily she only has to go for annual check-ups now. Something that I hope has helped in this department is her sister. Today Miss A had a minor surgery done, and Miss M came to the hospital for the entire day to be there for her sister. Miss A was the definition of brave, with not one tear, not one complaint, and such co-operation for the nurses and doctors. Miss M observed her sister and how the staff at the hospital cared for her all day, and by the end of the day she was begging to wear 'hospital pajamas' too. Then they came home and played doctor all afternoon.
It's fascinating to me how my girls balance each other out, and I know they each have their own strengths that they'll share with one another. I haven't done any reading yet on dealing with fears in preschoolers, but I think I'm developing my own theory as we go along. I think more important than helping them to face their fears is to help my children feel safe, secure, and confident first.
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