Oh, how I love our music class. I don't know if I can even capture it in words, but I'll try.
I grew up surrounded by music. My mom is a music teacher, and from the time I was about 3 years old our living room was her music studio. I took piano lessons for several years, albeit reluctantly. At the time I resented it, but now of course I'm very thankful that I wasn't given the option to quit. Seeing how my mother built a very successful career for herself over the last thirty-some years, I can see why it was important to her that I pursue an education in music. I've heard her speech many times to parents considering pulling their kids from lessons, citing the many proven benefits that kids gain from music education: improved mathematical skills, better hand-eye coordination, etc. And of course, that their kids likely won't be doing karate or gymnastics when they're 70 years old, but playing the piano, most definitely.
My girls were in their first music class at 6 weeks old. Grandma had a bit of influence there, as you may imagine, and she was with us at every class. We took a brief hiatus after that, I'm not sure why... perhaps the maternity-leave budget, perhaps exhaustion, but I think it was because when they were that little I felt a little intimidated going to classes without an extra set of hands to help, and those weren't always available. Anyways, we returned to music classes at nine months old, and we haven't stopped since. The learning that takes place - at our classes, or as a direct result of our classes - blows my mind. I remember the first moment I saw it clearly... Miss A was about 10 months old, and as we put her toothbrush away she sang two notes, 'bom, bom', which we regularly sing as we put things away (instruments, scarves, etc.) in class. Without any prompting, our infant made the connection, remembered it, and applied it to another situation. I was sold.
I'm proud of my girls' appreciation and love of music. They ask for us to put on music almost every day. They can sing many songs from beginning to end, in pitch, with the correct rhythm. And now I hear them composing, making up lyrics of their own, but to a tune we know. It's fascinating. I also get to see how my girls are growing and developing in a group setting. They don't attend a day care or day home, so music class is one of the main venues where they have the opportunity to socialize and to build those skills. They're fairly shy at the beginning of each semester, staying close to me (attached to me), but as the weeks go on, I see their confidence build. They venture out on their own more and more, showing off their dance moves, copying our teacher's actions, and singing out loud in our circle.
Music enriches our lives. Period. I could probably leave it at that, but I feel compelled to expand. Music has entertained us through countless car rides, has brought us out of tantrums, distracted us when we're scared, comforted us when we're sad, calmed us before bed, and brought us endless hours of family fun, singing and dancing together. Those are the moments you dream of when you dream of being a parent, and music has been such a big part of it for us. Music is magic, it truly is.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
Evolution of a Daddy
Over the past couple of months, I've noticed a distinct change in how my girls talk about and interact with their Daddy. They've fallen head over heels in love with him. Don't get me wrong, they've always loved him, but it's beyond that now. The connection is so strong it's palpable.
For a long time, I would say my girls were "Mommy's girls". They were. I was the one who fed them, nurtured them, who cared for them for the majority of their day. Daddy was definitely involved, because that's the kind of man he is (and with twins, there is no option...caring for two infants is a two person job). But because I was off of work for one year, the majority of their needs were met by me, so it's no surprise I was the one they called for in the night, or the one they ran to when they needed consoling.
Now, things have shifted. I've always said that one of the best things I've done is to return to work. It was extremely difficult at the time, but the benefits quickly became apparent. Not only did it give me a break that I needed (which I believe makes me a better parent), it also forced me to hand over some responsibility to my husband. To let him do things his way, not the way I think is best. I work weekends once a month, and my husband has an uncanny ability to find kid-friendly events in our city. For the first year of their lives, I don't know if my husband ever took both girls out by himself. I don't blame him, it wasn't easy packing two infants around, and I was always with them. Now, he doesn't hesitate to load two toddlers into the car and head off on any adventure, be it Home Depot or the Zoo. It's still not easy, but his level of ease and comfort in his Daddy role would make you believe it is.
Now, when I'm working late and Daddy is home, it's 'Date Night with Daddy'. When I'm home, all day long I hear "Where's Daddy?" or "What's Daddy doing?". When we pull into the garage and my husband's car is there the girls simultaneously cheer "Daddy's home!". The three of them have their special games, their books, their inside jokes. I've tried to join in, and sometimes I'm welcome, but other times it's an exclusive club. It's a bit strange and sad to be on the outside, but I know better than to mess with the father-daughter bonds. I know we have our own unique bonds too.
As I watch my girls fall deeper in love with their Daddy, I fall deeper in love with him too. My husband is neat and orderly by nature. The invasion of toys isn't easy for a lot of people, but especially for people like that. He's definitely relaxed over the past two years, because he sees beyond the mess of toys to see the life and love our house is full of. Now I love to see him fall asleep with diapers on his night table and a My Little Pony beside his pillow. I love to see him putting the girls toy kitchen back in order, only for them to come along and discover it all over again the next day. I love to see this grown man blow drying his little girl's hair, and fixing their pony tails and hair clips. I love to see how he dresses them up and takes them out on the town. I love that my husband's bedtime reading material, formerly GQ magazine, is now a parenting book for dads. I love to hear him teaching them Spanish, and to see their minds soaking it up. I love to hear squeals and laughter from the three of them echoing down the stairs while I cook dinner. I love how they look at him with complete trust in their eyes. And I love how before anything else, he thinks of them.
I could go on and on. We became parents at the same time, but not in the same way. With time, my husband has evolved into such a wonderful father, and I'm so proud of him. Becoming a father made an amazing person that much better.
We love you!
For a long time, I would say my girls were "Mommy's girls". They were. I was the one who fed them, nurtured them, who cared for them for the majority of their day. Daddy was definitely involved, because that's the kind of man he is (and with twins, there is no option...caring for two infants is a two person job). But because I was off of work for one year, the majority of their needs were met by me, so it's no surprise I was the one they called for in the night, or the one they ran to when they needed consoling.
Now, things have shifted. I've always said that one of the best things I've done is to return to work. It was extremely difficult at the time, but the benefits quickly became apparent. Not only did it give me a break that I needed (which I believe makes me a better parent), it also forced me to hand over some responsibility to my husband. To let him do things his way, not the way I think is best. I work weekends once a month, and my husband has an uncanny ability to find kid-friendly events in our city. For the first year of their lives, I don't know if my husband ever took both girls out by himself. I don't blame him, it wasn't easy packing two infants around, and I was always with them. Now, he doesn't hesitate to load two toddlers into the car and head off on any adventure, be it Home Depot or the Zoo. It's still not easy, but his level of ease and comfort in his Daddy role would make you believe it is.
Now, when I'm working late and Daddy is home, it's 'Date Night with Daddy'. When I'm home, all day long I hear "Where's Daddy?" or "What's Daddy doing?". When we pull into the garage and my husband's car is there the girls simultaneously cheer "Daddy's home!". The three of them have their special games, their books, their inside jokes. I've tried to join in, and sometimes I'm welcome, but other times it's an exclusive club. It's a bit strange and sad to be on the outside, but I know better than to mess with the father-daughter bonds. I know we have our own unique bonds too.
As I watch my girls fall deeper in love with their Daddy, I fall deeper in love with him too. My husband is neat and orderly by nature. The invasion of toys isn't easy for a lot of people, but especially for people like that. He's definitely relaxed over the past two years, because he sees beyond the mess of toys to see the life and love our house is full of. Now I love to see him fall asleep with diapers on his night table and a My Little Pony beside his pillow. I love to see him putting the girls toy kitchen back in order, only for them to come along and discover it all over again the next day. I love to see this grown man blow drying his little girl's hair, and fixing their pony tails and hair clips. I love to see how he dresses them up and takes them out on the town. I love that my husband's bedtime reading material, formerly GQ magazine, is now a parenting book for dads. I love to hear him teaching them Spanish, and to see their minds soaking it up. I love to hear squeals and laughter from the three of them echoing down the stairs while I cook dinner. I love how they look at him with complete trust in their eyes. And I love how before anything else, he thinks of them.
I could go on and on. We became parents at the same time, but not in the same way. With time, my husband has evolved into such a wonderful father, and I'm so proud of him. Becoming a father made an amazing person that much better.
We love you!
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Breastfeeding Babies
When I tell people that I exclusively breastfed my twins, they tend to respond with disbelief. Like it is the most challenging way they could possibly think of to feed two babies. What I don't understand is how they could think there could be an easier method. It was the easiest possible way. Period. Here's how it went:
Things didn't start out ideally. I had complications from my delivery (hemorrhage due to a very stretched uterus), so I was out of commission for several hours after the girls were born. They did not breastfeed during the 'golden hour' right after they were born. We didn't get to do the skin-to-skin thing until the following morning. Their first feeds were bottles of formula in the nursery, which definitely was not what I had planned. That was the only formula they ever received, for the record.
As soon as they were brought to me in my postpartum room (nine hours later), I was very eager to see my girls and to breastfeed them for the first time. My plan was to practice with them each individually before we attempted tandem nursing. Miss M went first (because her sister had just had a bottle in the nursery). No problem! Miss A, your turn. Another expert! I sent my sister-in-law to get my nursing pillow, and I was tandem nursing by the first night. Could it possibly go this smoothly? Yes. I had not one crack, not one bruise, blister, or scab. Tenderness, a little, but nothing a little nipple cream couldn't handle.
I credit our breastfeeding success to a few things. Yes, I had good (full-term) partners who latched well, I have decent breastfeeding nipples (not too big, not too flat), and milk supply was never an issue. But most importantly, I had knowledge beforehand. I knew what a good latch looked like. I knew how to position my babies. I knew that it shouldn't hurt. I knew early hunger cues and normal feeding patterns. I understood the supply/demand process of milk production. My only challenges were the nurses in the hospital who were pushing me to formula feed, to calm my fussing babies. But I knew that my babies needed to be on my breasts all night long, so that my body would kick into gear and make milk for them. I knew that the breastfeeding frenzy that takes place in those first few days was normal. Even though it feels like it could not possibly be normal, it is.
At home, I had my breastfeeding station on the couch with my pillow, my footstool (very important), my remote control, my phone, and my water. I knew I would be spending a lot of time there in the early days, but to be honest it wasn't that bad. Once my milk supply was established my girls became quite efficient little feeders. Ten minutes and they were happily drifting into milk comas. It was frequent, but fast. I loved it, because every time I was breastfeeding I was sitting down, watching TV, and I had two babies who were both cuddled and content at the same time. That didn't happen under any other circumstances when I was alone during the day.
At night, I had them in bassinets right beside my bed. I didn't step foot out of my bed for feedings. I reached over, brought them into bed, fed them, burped them, and put them back. Diaper changes required me to get up, but those were still done in my bedroom. It was often one baby initiating a feed (usually Miss M), so I would just wake the other up to feed (usually Miss A) to avoid waking up double. It did not take long for their feeding schedules to sync. We did this until it didn't work anymore (when I would wake up Miss A and she wouldn't eat), and then I went to feeding them separately at night.
Most people know there are plenty of benefits to breastfeeding. The benefits when breastfeeding twins, like most things, are multiplied. After peeing every 15 minutes while I was pregnant, I swear I peed twice a day while I was breastfeeding. It was awesome. Plus, breastfeeding twins was the best diet on the planet. I ate more when I was breastfeeding than when I was pregnant, I ate whatever I wanted, and the weight just kept coming off. I was skinnier breastfeeding than I was pre-pregnancy (I'm not anymore, but still). I never had to mix one bottle, measure one scoop of formula, sterilize water or bottles, pack feeding supplies, and I never had to fumble around in my kitchen half asleep at 3 a.m. For six months, wherever I went, as long as I had diapers and my breasts, I had everything I needed. In a word, simplicity.
Solids did come into the picture at the six month mark, so things did get a little more complicated and messy from that point on, but we continued to breastfeed for 13 months. The girls gradually weaned themselves, and when I returned to work at one year we were down to morning and bedtime feeds only. My husband and I went away for two nights at that point, and when we came back, the girls were done. I had one last good-bye session of breastfeeding with each of them, and that was it. Weaning was easy, because it was gradual and we were all ready. All in all, it was a wonderful experience for me. If the girls could remember, I'm sure they would agree.
Things didn't start out ideally. I had complications from my delivery (hemorrhage due to a very stretched uterus), so I was out of commission for several hours after the girls were born. They did not breastfeed during the 'golden hour' right after they were born. We didn't get to do the skin-to-skin thing until the following morning. Their first feeds were bottles of formula in the nursery, which definitely was not what I had planned. That was the only formula they ever received, for the record.
As soon as they were brought to me in my postpartum room (nine hours later), I was very eager to see my girls and to breastfeed them for the first time. My plan was to practice with them each individually before we attempted tandem nursing. Miss M went first (because her sister had just had a bottle in the nursery). No problem! Miss A, your turn. Another expert! I sent my sister-in-law to get my nursing pillow, and I was tandem nursing by the first night. Could it possibly go this smoothly? Yes. I had not one crack, not one bruise, blister, or scab. Tenderness, a little, but nothing a little nipple cream couldn't handle.
I credit our breastfeeding success to a few things. Yes, I had good (full-term) partners who latched well, I have decent breastfeeding nipples (not too big, not too flat), and milk supply was never an issue. But most importantly, I had knowledge beforehand. I knew what a good latch looked like. I knew how to position my babies. I knew that it shouldn't hurt. I knew early hunger cues and normal feeding patterns. I understood the supply/demand process of milk production. My only challenges were the nurses in the hospital who were pushing me to formula feed, to calm my fussing babies. But I knew that my babies needed to be on my breasts all night long, so that my body would kick into gear and make milk for them. I knew that the breastfeeding frenzy that takes place in those first few days was normal. Even though it feels like it could not possibly be normal, it is.
At home, I had my breastfeeding station on the couch with my pillow, my footstool (very important), my remote control, my phone, and my water. I knew I would be spending a lot of time there in the early days, but to be honest it wasn't that bad. Once my milk supply was established my girls became quite efficient little feeders. Ten minutes and they were happily drifting into milk comas. It was frequent, but fast. I loved it, because every time I was breastfeeding I was sitting down, watching TV, and I had two babies who were both cuddled and content at the same time. That didn't happen under any other circumstances when I was alone during the day.
At night, I had them in bassinets right beside my bed. I didn't step foot out of my bed for feedings. I reached over, brought them into bed, fed them, burped them, and put them back. Diaper changes required me to get up, but those were still done in my bedroom. It was often one baby initiating a feed (usually Miss M), so I would just wake the other up to feed (usually Miss A) to avoid waking up double. It did not take long for their feeding schedules to sync. We did this until it didn't work anymore (when I would wake up Miss A and she wouldn't eat), and then I went to feeding them separately at night.
Most people know there are plenty of benefits to breastfeeding. The benefits when breastfeeding twins, like most things, are multiplied. After peeing every 15 minutes while I was pregnant, I swear I peed twice a day while I was breastfeeding. It was awesome. Plus, breastfeeding twins was the best diet on the planet. I ate more when I was breastfeeding than when I was pregnant, I ate whatever I wanted, and the weight just kept coming off. I was skinnier breastfeeding than I was pre-pregnancy (I'm not anymore, but still). I never had to mix one bottle, measure one scoop of formula, sterilize water or bottles, pack feeding supplies, and I never had to fumble around in my kitchen half asleep at 3 a.m. For six months, wherever I went, as long as I had diapers and my breasts, I had everything I needed. In a word, simplicity.
Solids did come into the picture at the six month mark, so things did get a little more complicated and messy from that point on, but we continued to breastfeed for 13 months. The girls gradually weaned themselves, and when I returned to work at one year we were down to morning and bedtime feeds only. My husband and I went away for two nights at that point, and when we came back, the girls were done. I had one last good-bye session of breastfeeding with each of them, and that was it. Weaning was easy, because it was gradual and we were all ready. All in all, it was a wonderful experience for me. If the girls could remember, I'm sure they would agree.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Potty Talk
This is our potty training story so far...
Before they were two, I made some very halfhearted attempts at potty training because some friends of mine were having success with their kids of the same age. I wasn't really too worried about it, but I figured we could give it a try, relaxed, no pressure. My girls consistently poop after lunch, and a couple of times I put the girls on the potty at that time, read some stories, and Miss A had some success. She peed and pooped a couple of times. For Miss M, nothing. I'm not sure why we stopped, maybe I was lazy, but I guess it seemed like more work than it was worth. They weren't ready. Okay, we weren't ready. I decided to wait until summer when they would be wearing summer dresses and it would be easy access to get on the potty quickly.
Summer came and went. We did give it a try for about three days. I prepared myself, I bought rewards (mini M&M's), Pull-Ups, and a lot of panties, and I enlisted help (my mom). We took them out to the cabin, let them run around bottomless, and the potties followed them everywhere (in the cabin, in the yard, on the beach...). We did have a few successes (because we got them to sit on the potty every 20 minutes), but mostly we just went through a lot of panties. They weren't making the connection. Wet panties were hanging everywhere. I was ready, they were not.
Then a couple of weeks ago we had a play date with a friend and her daughter, who is a month older than my girls. She's been peeing on the potty since she was 18 months old. She's almost fully potty trained, but has the occasional pee in her Pull-Ups. Anyways, the girls played, they watched their friend use the potty, and my girls each had a turn on the potty after. Success all around. Okay, let's do this. Round three.
I like to implement changes in routine when I'm home for at least 3 or 4 days in a row, because I know consistency is key. So we did 4 bottomless days at home. Huge success. Miss M got it right away, running to the potty on her own regularly. Pees and poops. She beats me there, pees, dumps it in the toilet and flushes. It helps that she really likes getting treats afterward. It helps even more that we've switched to gummy bears. She was on the potty constantly for awhile, but I think the novelty has worn off a bit. Her poor little bladder had nothing left, yet she'd still squeeze out one drop if she could, to get a treat. I've had to specify that treats are only for the 'big ones', and now I regularly hear "Oooo, Mommy it's a big one!". We've had outings (to the park, to music class) in Pull-Ups and stayed dry. I don't expect that we'll have no accidents, but she's got it. She's made the connection. She wore pants all day today and still got them off in time, every time. Woohoo!
Miss A is still hit or miss, which is interesting, because she's the one who had such early success. She'll go with encouragement, but she gets busy and forgets sometimes. I know she's made the brain-bladder connection, but I don't think she cares about the treats nearly as much as her sister does. So, I've upped the ante. I've made a deal with her that if she has lots of pees and poops on the potty, we'll buy a princess movie (I was going to buy Beauty and the Beast for Christmas, but this seemed better). We'll see what happens.
Now I need to work on my own training. I can't be lazy and leave them in diapers for too long in the morning, and I need to get the Pull-Ups off as soon as we're home. They know what to do, but I have to set them up for success. It doesn't sound that hard to do, but getting diapers off means PJ's off, potty time, cleaning bums, cleaning potties, washing hands, panties on and clothes on. Times two. And I'm tired in the morning! But I'm working on it.
Before they were two, I made some very halfhearted attempts at potty training because some friends of mine were having success with their kids of the same age. I wasn't really too worried about it, but I figured we could give it a try, relaxed, no pressure. My girls consistently poop after lunch, and a couple of times I put the girls on the potty at that time, read some stories, and Miss A had some success. She peed and pooped a couple of times. For Miss M, nothing. I'm not sure why we stopped, maybe I was lazy, but I guess it seemed like more work than it was worth. They weren't ready. Okay, we weren't ready. I decided to wait until summer when they would be wearing summer dresses and it would be easy access to get on the potty quickly.
Summer came and went. We did give it a try for about three days. I prepared myself, I bought rewards (mini M&M's), Pull-Ups, and a lot of panties, and I enlisted help (my mom). We took them out to the cabin, let them run around bottomless, and the potties followed them everywhere (in the cabin, in the yard, on the beach...). We did have a few successes (because we got them to sit on the potty every 20 minutes), but mostly we just went through a lot of panties. They weren't making the connection. Wet panties were hanging everywhere. I was ready, they were not.
Then a couple of weeks ago we had a play date with a friend and her daughter, who is a month older than my girls. She's been peeing on the potty since she was 18 months old. She's almost fully potty trained, but has the occasional pee in her Pull-Ups. Anyways, the girls played, they watched their friend use the potty, and my girls each had a turn on the potty after. Success all around. Okay, let's do this. Round three.
I like to implement changes in routine when I'm home for at least 3 or 4 days in a row, because I know consistency is key. So we did 4 bottomless days at home. Huge success. Miss M got it right away, running to the potty on her own regularly. Pees and poops. She beats me there, pees, dumps it in the toilet and flushes. It helps that she really likes getting treats afterward. It helps even more that we've switched to gummy bears. She was on the potty constantly for awhile, but I think the novelty has worn off a bit. Her poor little bladder had nothing left, yet she'd still squeeze out one drop if she could, to get a treat. I've had to specify that treats are only for the 'big ones', and now I regularly hear "Oooo, Mommy it's a big one!". We've had outings (to the park, to music class) in Pull-Ups and stayed dry. I don't expect that we'll have no accidents, but she's got it. She's made the connection. She wore pants all day today and still got them off in time, every time. Woohoo!
Miss A is still hit or miss, which is interesting, because she's the one who had such early success. She'll go with encouragement, but she gets busy and forgets sometimes. I know she's made the brain-bladder connection, but I don't think she cares about the treats nearly as much as her sister does. So, I've upped the ante. I've made a deal with her that if she has lots of pees and poops on the potty, we'll buy a princess movie (I was going to buy Beauty and the Beast for Christmas, but this seemed better). We'll see what happens.
Now I need to work on my own training. I can't be lazy and leave them in diapers for too long in the morning, and I need to get the Pull-Ups off as soon as we're home. They know what to do, but I have to set them up for success. It doesn't sound that hard to do, but getting diapers off means PJ's off, potty time, cleaning bums, cleaning potties, washing hands, panties on and clothes on. Times two. And I'm tired in the morning! But I'm working on it.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
The Great Baby Debate
My biological clock is ticking. It's not just an expression, it's very real. I work with beautiful, cherub-faced little babies on a daily basis, and did long before I had my own babies. For years, it didn't faze me. Then one day, I held a newborn in my arms and something switched. I needed a baby, and tomorrow wasn't too soon. Hormones are powerful things, and mine are on the surge again.
I've always wanted to have a big family, but I'm feeling a little gun-shy now that I'm actually faced with the decision. I know that I have time (reproductively speaking), but I don't want the age gap between my girls and the hypothetical baby to be too big. All of my friends with kids have theirs spaced the very typical 2 years apart, but that window has come and gone for us. If we were to get pregnant now, the girls would be 3 when baby is born.
This may sound strange, but I feel a bit cheated. I have my two beautiful children, but I only had one pregnancy, one delivery, one maternity leave, and I only get to go through each stage once. I know I need to count my blessings, but I'm being honest, and those are a few drawbacks that come with twins. People often tell me they would love to have twins, because "you get it done and over with all in one shot". Seriously, I hear this a lot, but I don't share that same mentality. I really enjoyed my pregnancy, I would love to give birth again, and I don't want this to be the last time I have a two year old in my house. All of my friends who are off on maternity leave with baby number two get to be home with their toddler for another year as well. I want another year at home with my girls, which is another reason not to wait too long, or they'll be in school (sniff, sniff). More than another pregnancy, birth, or maternity leave, most importantly, I want another child.
But kids are expensive. Ask anyone, and they'll tell you it doesn't get any cheaper. Luckily having two babies at once already forced us into the bigger house and the minivan. We'd need to reassess what's going to be realistic for extra-curricular activities and family vacations. Maybe those aren't good reasons to not have a child, but we have family in another country. Plane tickets for five might not be possible very often. Someone recently told me "the world is designed for families of four". We do have a good thing going on. As I mentioned in my last blog, I feel like we've hit our stride. We've found a nice balance, so why would I want to change it? It's a bit intimidating to think about. I've been waiting for a sign, but I'm not sure it's coming. A friend of mine whose children are grown told me that I'll always grieve the baby I never had. If we decided to move forward as a family of four, maybe that nagging feeling won't ever go away. I can see why people have 'oops' pregnancies. I would kind of like to let the fates decide this one for me. Maybe I will.
I've always wanted to have a big family, but I'm feeling a little gun-shy now that I'm actually faced with the decision. I know that I have time (reproductively speaking), but I don't want the age gap between my girls and the hypothetical baby to be too big. All of my friends with kids have theirs spaced the very typical 2 years apart, but that window has come and gone for us. If we were to get pregnant now, the girls would be 3 when baby is born.
This may sound strange, but I feel a bit cheated. I have my two beautiful children, but I only had one pregnancy, one delivery, one maternity leave, and I only get to go through each stage once. I know I need to count my blessings, but I'm being honest, and those are a few drawbacks that come with twins. People often tell me they would love to have twins, because "you get it done and over with all in one shot". Seriously, I hear this a lot, but I don't share that same mentality. I really enjoyed my pregnancy, I would love to give birth again, and I don't want this to be the last time I have a two year old in my house. All of my friends who are off on maternity leave with baby number two get to be home with their toddler for another year as well. I want another year at home with my girls, which is another reason not to wait too long, or they'll be in school (sniff, sniff). More than another pregnancy, birth, or maternity leave, most importantly, I want another child.
But kids are expensive. Ask anyone, and they'll tell you it doesn't get any cheaper. Luckily having two babies at once already forced us into the bigger house and the minivan. We'd need to reassess what's going to be realistic for extra-curricular activities and family vacations. Maybe those aren't good reasons to not have a child, but we have family in another country. Plane tickets for five might not be possible very often. Someone recently told me "the world is designed for families of four". We do have a good thing going on. As I mentioned in my last blog, I feel like we've hit our stride. We've found a nice balance, so why would I want to change it? It's a bit intimidating to think about. I've been waiting for a sign, but I'm not sure it's coming. A friend of mine whose children are grown told me that I'll always grieve the baby I never had. If we decided to move forward as a family of four, maybe that nagging feeling won't ever go away. I can see why people have 'oops' pregnancies. I would kind of like to let the fates decide this one for me. Maybe I will.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Hitting our Stride
We recently returned from a trip to the mountains with our girls, which involved a lot of car travel, a lot of naps on the go, and 3 nights spent in 3 different places. It was great. The girls did awesome. We took a similar trip about two months ago, and I can't believe how much easier it's becoming to travel, and to be spontaneous, with twins. We did hikes, we camped (in an RV, but it still counts), we stayed in hotels, and we ate in restaurants 3 times a day. I feel like we can do anything again. For a long time that wasn't true. I know in the grand scheme of things that 2 years isn't really that long, but when your lives change like ours did, it felt like a really long time.
I think every expectant parent believes, to some degree, that a new baby will have to adapt to them, not vice versa. That you'll keep doing whatever you did before, and baby will come along for the ride. That your life will not be dictated by baby's schedule ("We're not going to be those parents who..."). This may work well for some people, but this definitely did not work for us. Our 'normal' lives were very much interrupted when babies came into the picture. For months our activities were very much planned around our daughters schedules, and they still are to some extent. Now there's just more flexibility. They don't need to sleep nearly as much or as often, and we don't suffer total meltdowns if bedtime gets pushed up by an hour. With time, we have found a new normal. It didn't take two years, but it took awhile. The training occurs on both ends. We slowly train our babies, and they slowly train us, and somewhere along the way, we find a balance.
I believe that all people thrive on routine. Our minds and bodies function best when we eat, sleep, and are active on a regular basis. As soon as you see what happens when you push your infant past their limits, you never want to do it again. MELT DOWN. Everyone suffers. You're tempted often, by those people who don't see the effects of keeping a "she's doing just fine" baby out a little later. But by the time you're trying to get that baby settled into bed an hour later than usual, she's overtired and stressed, which means she's full of adrenaline, which means a hellish time trying to get her to bed. It happens every time. Once you've been there, your survival instincts kick in, and you learn how to avoid meltdowns at all costs. When there's two babies to contend with, it can become quite restrictive. Any kind of activity had to be carefully timed, and the window is short. Think about getting two babies fed, two diapered, two dressed (possibly diapered again) in car seats, in the vehicle, unloaded, doing said activity (strollercise, play date, shopping, etc.) and then you have to get them loaded back up again and home for a nap, with another feeding and diapering in there somewhere. Your window for all of that might be 2 or 3 hours. Like I said, restrictive. It takes some trial and error (aka meltdowns in public) to figure out what you can and can't accomplish in that time frame. Sunday dinners with our extended family would start at 4 or 5, so that we could leave and get the girls into bed by 7. We did put them down to sleep in one place and transfer them home on a few special occasions, but I wasn't up for the challenge very often. The exhaustion I was experiencing in that first year definitely made it worse. People probably thought I was a real drag, or maybe a bit over the top with how strict I was with our bedtime. My only excuse is that I was in survival mode. Once the girls became good sleepers (which they did), and once chaos didn't ensue when we stepped outside of routine, I became much more relaxed.
Which brings us to now. I'm exhausted just thinking about how much effort it took me to go out with the girls in that first year, and I was doing it on little to no sleep. Now I'm well rested, and going out is leaps and bounds easier. An incredible amount of growth and development happens in that first year, and not just for babies. Becoming parents was a huge adjustment. With time, we've become much more comfortable in our roles. The challenges are there, and I expect they will last a lifetime, but the rewards just keep getting better and better.
I think every expectant parent believes, to some degree, that a new baby will have to adapt to them, not vice versa. That you'll keep doing whatever you did before, and baby will come along for the ride. That your life will not be dictated by baby's schedule ("We're not going to be those parents who..."). This may work well for some people, but this definitely did not work for us. Our 'normal' lives were very much interrupted when babies came into the picture. For months our activities were very much planned around our daughters schedules, and they still are to some extent. Now there's just more flexibility. They don't need to sleep nearly as much or as often, and we don't suffer total meltdowns if bedtime gets pushed up by an hour. With time, we have found a new normal. It didn't take two years, but it took awhile. The training occurs on both ends. We slowly train our babies, and they slowly train us, and somewhere along the way, we find a balance.
I believe that all people thrive on routine. Our minds and bodies function best when we eat, sleep, and are active on a regular basis. As soon as you see what happens when you push your infant past their limits, you never want to do it again. MELT DOWN. Everyone suffers. You're tempted often, by those people who don't see the effects of keeping a "she's doing just fine" baby out a little later. But by the time you're trying to get that baby settled into bed an hour later than usual, she's overtired and stressed, which means she's full of adrenaline, which means a hellish time trying to get her to bed. It happens every time. Once you've been there, your survival instincts kick in, and you learn how to avoid meltdowns at all costs. When there's two babies to contend with, it can become quite restrictive. Any kind of activity had to be carefully timed, and the window is short. Think about getting two babies fed, two diapered, two dressed (possibly diapered again) in car seats, in the vehicle, unloaded, doing said activity (strollercise, play date, shopping, etc.) and then you have to get them loaded back up again and home for a nap, with another feeding and diapering in there somewhere. Your window for all of that might be 2 or 3 hours. Like I said, restrictive. It takes some trial and error (aka meltdowns in public) to figure out what you can and can't accomplish in that time frame. Sunday dinners with our extended family would start at 4 or 5, so that we could leave and get the girls into bed by 7. We did put them down to sleep in one place and transfer them home on a few special occasions, but I wasn't up for the challenge very often. The exhaustion I was experiencing in that first year definitely made it worse. People probably thought I was a real drag, or maybe a bit over the top with how strict I was with our bedtime. My only excuse is that I was in survival mode. Once the girls became good sleepers (which they did), and once chaos didn't ensue when we stepped outside of routine, I became much more relaxed.
Which brings us to now. I'm exhausted just thinking about how much effort it took me to go out with the girls in that first year, and I was doing it on little to no sleep. Now I'm well rested, and going out is leaps and bounds easier. An incredible amount of growth and development happens in that first year, and not just for babies. Becoming parents was a huge adjustment. With time, we've become much more comfortable in our roles. The challenges are there, and I expect they will last a lifetime, but the rewards just keep getting better and better.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
TV... or not TV?
It happened. TV has crept into the lives of my children. I feel guilty admitting it, but I know that it's not going to change. We are on an irreversible path. Maybe irreversible isn't the right word, as it would be possible to eliminate TV, but if I'm being realistic, I highly doubt that's going to happen.
On advice I had read from various experts, I had a no TV policy in my house for the first two years of my girls' lives (almost). This was not at all difficult to accomplish. We simply read books, listened to music, went for walks, and played. I did watch TV during the day when they were newborns, but as soon as I noticed they were starting to pay attention to it, the TV only came on during nap time. When they were 18 months old, we went on a long flight with them, and I brought a portable DVD player with us in case I was desperate. I did become desperate at one point, turned it on for them, and they didn't sit still for more than a minute to watch it. They didn't know how to watch TV! I'm kind of proud of that, actually.
Then one day we were reading about animals, and I wanted them to hear the sound a seal makes, and to see how it claps. So, I pulled it up on YouTube for them. It was great, they loved it, and soon we were searching for more animals to watch in action. Tigers, and lions, and elephants, oh my! And so we began down a slippery slope...
I know our nanny started to let them watch things as well. Mickey Mouse, Elmo, etc. I don't know exactly when that started, or how much they watched, but I do trust that she respected my wishes to limit TV as much as possible. I knew that some viewing was going on, and I let it slide. If the weather is poor it can be a long day cooped up inside with two toddlers, and our nanny doesn't have to luxury of putting the kids in the car and going somewhere for a change of scenery.
A month or two before their second birthday, I started to let them watch cartoons in the mornings while I shower. It buys me 20 minutes that I don't have to worry about what they're doing, because they usually don't move once it's on. It's true, they turn into zombies. That's the worst thing about it. I have seriously done a song and dance in front of them while the TV is on, and they'll barely glance my direction. Disturbing. So it's definitely limited. There are still many days that they watch no TV, and the other days, it's less than an hour total. 20-30 minutes in the morning, and if it's an especially hectic dinner hour, 20-30 minutes while I get things ready.
I have seen some positives, I have to say. They have learned from things they've watched. The other day, they watched a 25 minute episode of Dora, and proceeded to have imaginative play about a "Gooey Geyser" for hours afterward. Yesterday they were telling me about patterns, and how I have to follow them. Dora was doing a puzzle one episode, and out came the puzzles for the whole afternoon. Good things.
So, it's a tool. We use it cautiously. And we absolutely still read, sing, listen to music, go outside, dance, and play.
On advice I had read from various experts, I had a no TV policy in my house for the first two years of my girls' lives (almost). This was not at all difficult to accomplish. We simply read books, listened to music, went for walks, and played. I did watch TV during the day when they were newborns, but as soon as I noticed they were starting to pay attention to it, the TV only came on during nap time. When they were 18 months old, we went on a long flight with them, and I brought a portable DVD player with us in case I was desperate. I did become desperate at one point, turned it on for them, and they didn't sit still for more than a minute to watch it. They didn't know how to watch TV! I'm kind of proud of that, actually.
Then one day we were reading about animals, and I wanted them to hear the sound a seal makes, and to see how it claps. So, I pulled it up on YouTube for them. It was great, they loved it, and soon we were searching for more animals to watch in action. Tigers, and lions, and elephants, oh my! And so we began down a slippery slope...
I know our nanny started to let them watch things as well. Mickey Mouse, Elmo, etc. I don't know exactly when that started, or how much they watched, but I do trust that she respected my wishes to limit TV as much as possible. I knew that some viewing was going on, and I let it slide. If the weather is poor it can be a long day cooped up inside with two toddlers, and our nanny doesn't have to luxury of putting the kids in the car and going somewhere for a change of scenery.
A month or two before their second birthday, I started to let them watch cartoons in the mornings while I shower. It buys me 20 minutes that I don't have to worry about what they're doing, because they usually don't move once it's on. It's true, they turn into zombies. That's the worst thing about it. I have seriously done a song and dance in front of them while the TV is on, and they'll barely glance my direction. Disturbing. So it's definitely limited. There are still many days that they watch no TV, and the other days, it's less than an hour total. 20-30 minutes in the morning, and if it's an especially hectic dinner hour, 20-30 minutes while I get things ready.
I have seen some positives, I have to say. They have learned from things they've watched. The other day, they watched a 25 minute episode of Dora, and proceeded to have imaginative play about a "Gooey Geyser" for hours afterward. Yesterday they were telling me about patterns, and how I have to follow them. Dora was doing a puzzle one episode, and out came the puzzles for the whole afternoon. Good things.
So, it's a tool. We use it cautiously. And we absolutely still read, sing, listen to music, go outside, dance, and play.
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